


John: fight with the mirror

by brokenxradio



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Angst, Depression, FTM John, Feels, Other, Sadstuck, self hate
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-30
Updated: 2012-09-30
Packaged: 2017-11-15 07:47:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 336
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/524881
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brokenxradio/pseuds/brokenxradio
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I always have a fight with my mirror what I see is what I utterly hate.</p>
            </blockquote>





	John: fight with the mirror

Ouch I have lost myself again  
Lost myself and I am nowhere to be found,  
Yeah I think that I might break  
I've lost myself again and I feel unsafe   
Breathe Me By SIA

I always have a fight with my mirror what I see is what I utterly hate. My hair, hands, chest, hips, and thighs all look like they belong to someone else. Dad tells me that I am brave for being born in the wrong gender. He even tells me what a fine young man I am. I wish I could believe him but my body betrays me I have breasts and ovaries, long hair and small hands. I am afraid of what Dave and Rose would say if I ever told them. I get enough hate at school but that is my fault I had dad help convince the teachers to call me John. It hurts to know that everyday I see dad come home so late it is so he can help save up for hormone therapy and the operation. Every night I stay up later then I should starring at my reflection in the mirror the girl I see is not me but I am forced to live day in and day out in her body . 

I stare at the scars safely hidden from prying eyes I am disgusting and a waste of living tissue. Why dad even puts up with me is a mystery to me it would be better if I was never born. I can feel the tears start to build up and before I know it I am staring at my bury reflection. Pure and utter self hatred bubble over as I smash the mirror with my fist. “I am a disgusting thing I don't even count a human”! I scream at whats left of the mirror. I can't hold back my pain anymore I am afraid of what I want to do myself. My mind is racing as I stare at the glass around me.


End file.
